Bittersweet Bliss

I'm slinging spices uninterrupted today since my doctor appointment was canceled.  My GI doc's office called me at 9:45 am and told me - didn't ask - TOLD ME that I needed to come in at 12:45 instead of my original appointment time.  I was like sorry, no can do.  So then she TOLD ME to come in at 12:15.  Uh no...sorry.  I explained to her that I own a business, it's just me and I'm waiting on FedEx today.  I probably could have made it work but I didn't quite like being told what to do and I immediately rejected both of her offers.  So I'll work all day, go to yoga and then go home.  It'll be fabulous.  I've missed yoga as I've had to cut back because of my neck.  I have two pinched nerves and bone spurs.  Whether you care or not, I'm going to tell you WHY I have pinched nerves and bone spurs.

My boobs.

Yep, my boobs.  My boobs are so GD big that they've pulled my neck and spine forward and in the process caused bone spurs and pinched nerves.  Considering I woke up in the 3rd grade as a B cup, I don't have a lot of faith that these suckers are going to shrink much as I lose weight.  I saw a pain mgmt doc last week and got 5 shots in my neck and shoulder.  Unfortunately they didn't help and I had an MRI yesterday.  I'm kind of weird about someone cutting on my neck so I think I'm going to go the pill route for awhile and see if that helps.  If not then I will entertain the idea of getting a shot in my neck where the pinched nerves are located.  If you've ever hurt your neck you know how f*cking painful a "pain in the neck" can be.  Sorry...had to do it.  Did it to the doctor and he legit rolled his eyes at me :)  I'm also seeing a plastic surgeon about reducing these bad boys so that they don't cause any more damage to my neck and spine.  Fun times.

Yesterday was mine and Lord B's 17th wedding anniversary.  We got married in Vegas at the same chapel as Elvis and Priscilla, Frank Sinatra and Mia Farrow and others.  There was red crushed velvet covering the pews and a beautiful stained glass window that provided a fabulous backdrop the the snot that was hanging out of Gary's nose while he was crying.  It glistened.  And for those of us who witnessed it, it has continued to provide boisterous laughter among all of us.  And Lord B is such a good sport about it.  He laughs too...probably while plotting our deaths :)

So I titled this post Bittersweet Bliss because I believe that is a more accurate portrayal of any long term relationship.  To people who don't know us very well, we seem to have an idyllic marriage that has been rainbows and unicorns.  I can assure everyone it hasn't been.  And, no, this is not a slam against Lord B.  I know he feels the same way and will agree when I say it's taken 17 years for us to figure this shit out.  There have been times when we had no business being married to each other and probably should have left one another.  There have been times when those closest to us probably thought we should split up before we killed each other.  Seriously.  Marriage (or any partnership) is not easy.  There is nothing simple about merging two strong willed, stubborn personalities into something that should be a reflection of both people involved.  The worst thing you can do when you get married (I'm going to use that term since that's the relationship I'm in) is lose yourself.  Alternately, the hardest thing to do in a marriage is stay true to who you are and preserve your individuality without making your partner feel like they're on the outside looking in.  It's a balancing act and it can be fucking maddening.  Counseling has been a game changer for us over the past few years.  We've been able to work on ourselves so that we can be true friends and partners to one another.  I think the past 2 1/2 years of our marriage have been the best.  I know now that we are in such a good place that our marriage will continue to strengthen and we will keep doing the work and making the choice to be with one another because we've finally started to figure this shit out and you know what, it's pretty fucking awesome. 

So to me, that's why I believe our bliss is bittersweet.  We've had to deal with some pretty heavy shit in the past 17 years - the hardest of which has been in the past year.  If we hadn't started working on ourselves and our marriage a few years ago, we wouldn't have survived the past year.  We wouldn't have had the tools to be there for each other, for our kiddo and not self destruct.  I'm proud of us.  And I'm proud of anyone who sticks together and does the work to make it a partnership worthy of their love and time.  I'm not talking about standing by your man/woman when your man/woman is a piece of shit.  Nor am I advocating for everyone to stay married when it's clear that they have no business being together.  Everyone is different and every relationship has it's issues - some of them can be dealt with and sometimes the issues are just too much to get past.  I get that.  I've been there.

We narrowly survived not going to NOLA for our anniversary.  We had a birthday dinner for Bubba Sunday night, an anniversary dinner for us last night and reservations are made for Pappas Bros. Steakhouse for Friday night.  I already know what I'm going to order and I'm crossing my fingers that they have a bottle of our favorite wine on hand.  It will be glorious!

Check out the recipe page of the blog.  I'm going to add a few of the recipes I cooked for Bubba's birthday and our anniversary.  I'll post pics as well. If you make any of the dishes PLEASE send me an email or comment on the blog with your feedback.  I'm testing out recipes and would love to hear from anyone who tries out a recipe I've posted. 

I hope everyone has a fabulous day.  I'm going to snort a few lines of cayenne and get after it.  Keep it real.

SM